It’s one of my rules – if there’s an event coming up, don’t go out shopping for The Frock.
The Frock is something you never find when you’re actually looking.
But unfortunately, I sometimes have giddy moments and break my own rules.
I had a few occasions to go to this summer and I thought maybe a new dress…
I prowled the internet. Hopefully it’s the closest I’ll come to internet dating. Many handsome frocks, but none of them looked like The Frock.
Plus, I was pretty sure that when I tried them on, they wouldn’t look as thin and gorgeous as they did in their profile pictures.
A quick sweep of Monsoon (accomplished at a moment when Nigel was texting me ‘Where are you?’) had left me with a fleeting impression of a lace dress in flaming orange and hot pink. It was the kind of dress that already seemed to have a red rose gripped between its teeth.
I didn’t have time to try it on.
On holiday, Carenza encouraged me to buy it.
It looked good on.
And that should have been the happy ending.
But then I needed a jacket – it had to match either the hot pink or the orange – I found one in orange.
Then a clutch bag. Hot pink!
Then shoes – something neutral. But no, the ones that fitted best were rose gold.
I became afraid to look in the mirror – scared that peering back at me, I would see Grayson Perry.
I wore it all to Hannah & Joel’s wedding. It certainly ensured that nobody could miss me - the brightly-coloured woman three rows back who was trying to stifle a coughing fit during the vows.
But after all, at least when the dancing started, it made me feel young.