There's only One Direction

Chilled instrumentals are the back-drop to exam revision in our house.  But now that Carenza’s retake is out of the way, I’m hearing chirpy pop songs repeated endlessly.

“Who is that?” I ask Carenza.

“One Direction, of course.”

Oh, how the mighty have fallen – it used to be The Killers, Razorlight, Coldplay.

During exam revision we prefer singers with poor enunciation – then the lyrics don’t distract.  However, I can hear One Direction’s words all too clearly.  They seem to have paid a psychologist to survey the top six insecurities of teenage girls and have crafted them into reassuring songs.  It doesn’t matter if you have to squeeze into your jeans, if you have an annoying laugh, or if Zane Malik can “play join-up-the-dots with the freckles on your face” (I always find myself hoping he uses water-soluble ink, not a Sharpie), the beautiful boys in One Direction will still yearn for you.  No doubt, they are just making do with those actresses and super-models that they are dating until you come along.

 “Oh, Mum, stop being so cynical – just listen to this bit where Harry sings solo…”

He has a husky, tender voice beyond his years.

I wonder how long I would have to spend in the gym to shape up as a cougar.